More Random Thoughts..

- It is July here in sunny San Diego. And thus far, we have had quite the mild weather. The Lord is to be praised. Especially since our a/c is currently broken, waiting on the delivery of a new motor. I'm hopeful that the motor will arrive before the inevitable heat wave.
- I've been scaling down my facebook time as I find the more I'm on it, the more insecure I become. I am learning to cut out those things that amp up the insecurity in myself, and fb just happens to be one of them. Keeping it real, y'all.
- My heart is breaking for a vast amount of people in our lives whose marriages are ending. I'm just flabbergasted at the casual way Christ followers view marriage. I feel like I can say this because Todd and I have been through hell and back, and we have both wanted to end it desperately. We chose to stay and fight for our marriage, our life together, our kids. It is hard and ugly and painful, but there is redemption at the end, and it is worth the difficulty.
- It is 11:46 at night and there is a very loud songbird that doesn't know it is bedtime. Every night with the chirping and the singing and the whistling. This bird drives me a little nutty, but also makes me smile. It's like she doesn't know she is supposed to be doing something different, so she does her own thing anyway. And yes, she is a she. And her name is Aretha. ;)
- I love having good good friends over to watch silly shows. Community is a beautiful wonderful thing.
- I had a very tough phone call earlier today, and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to proceed. I care deeply about my relationships, so when there is strife anywhere in any of them, I am greatly affected. Lots of prayer. Lots of prayer.
- BJ's has the yummiest gluten free pizza I have had in a long while. Cheesy goodness for $8.95. Yum. And poo.. now I want some.
- And do you see what I just did?? I just saw it, and I am floored. I wrote an uncomfortable emotional thought, and the next thought was one of food. God is healing me from that form of comfort, but man, I have a long way to go.

If that was the reason for my writing this post late at night, then good. One of my prayers has been to have my eyes opened to my destructive ways. And honestly, I need some Jesus time, so I am signing off for now.

What has God been revealing to you lately??

You know you're a good Daddy when..

..you love Jesus more than anything.

..you pick up the children from school, more than Mommy does.

..you watch boy movies with our boy-man.

..you read the Happy Hollister series to our children.

..you plan.save.work your fingers to the bone. so we can have a family vacay.

..you work 3 jobs so we can survive, and so Mommy can be a mom.

..you recognize when you make a mistake, and quickly remedy it.

..you are a responsible, hardworking, godly man thus teaching our son how to be one, and teaching our daughter how to recognize one.

..you tuck our children into bed most every night, complete with snuggles/wrestling/and prayers. And sips of water. And ice packs.

..you take excellent care of Mommy when she is sick (which is alot) and little eyes are watching that compassionate care-taking.

..you don't eat gluten, even though you could, because the rest of our family can't.

..you know that our son likes Root Beer, and our daughter likes Pink Lemonade.

Honestly, the list is nearly endless. These are the things that are freshest on my mind right now. I didn't get you a card, but thought a virtual declaration would be fitting.

Man alive... I love you. We have been.through.some.STUFF. But there is Redemption and it is amazing. And I wouldn't want another soul to be the father of our 2 squishes that we have been blessed with.

Until next year, when the list grows longer...

This day..

I keep reading how fast everyone feels June has snuck upon us. It has. There is a quote I love that keeps running through my brain.. "The days are long, but the years are short."

Isn't that so so true?

I am sitting here, listening to the quiet hum of the air conditioner. My desk is a mess. There is a book on the dangers of MSG I have yet to crack open. There are papers scattered about. My daughter left her tiny white bowl here instead of placing in the sink. She is easily distracted.. much like her mamma. The bowl has little dots of blue, red, and yellow from her handful of m&m's she was blessed with for dessert.

Sidenote... I'm a big proponent of little treats a couple of times a week. My children are happily satisfied with 20 dark chocolate chips, or the rare handful of m&m's. May it always, always be so. :)

I don't have a huge theme for this post. I was simply overwhelmed with much love for my sweet, ordinary, wonderful family. I have thoughts such as these all the time, and figured I should "pen" them lest I forget.

Thoughts like..

My pre-teen boy-man.. who is the most handsome thing I have seen. His heart is so tender.. I am already afraid of what I shall have to restrain myself from if some girl dare to break it. On the flip side, helping him not become a heartbreaker himself will be a worthy goal. Loving the fact that after a delish BBQ Chicken Salad dinner, he wanted to go play on the elliptical for 20 minutes. Loving even more that he still thinks it's playtime, and not mandatory.

My "8 year old going on 13" sassypants of a daughter, who also has a sweet tender little heart. I fear even more what I shall do to the boy who chooses to casually play with that fragile precious thing. Sometimes (read multiple times a day) her tenderness gets buried under a loud voiced tyrant.. Yay... ;) Jesus obviously knew I needed to pray more.. thus He blessed me with her. Oh what He has taught me. Love that she came home from school and put on one of her fancy dresses to get ready for a concert. She wrote her own song, put on her heels, and was too adorable for words. She is quite shy, so the fact that she feels comfortable enough to do that warms me.

My hubs, who is so stressed right now. Who melts me when he gets a certain tiny smile on his face. It's the smile that makes him look about 5, and I just want to hug his neck off when I see it. He is all man though, so he might not be too thrilled I feel that way... ;) Loving that he loves my super healthy chocolate pb banana smoothies and requests one nightly. (Recipe to follow)

Please don't mis-read. We here at the Tolson house have had more ups and downs in our 12+ years as a family unit that I would care to explain. In fact, we are in a down moment as I type. But, I am still choosing to be grateful for the great things. God's blessings can still be found, they are just harder to locate sometimes.

So, that is this day. Thanks for letting me share a little of it with you. :)

How was your day?

Chocolate PB Banana Smoothie

1 cup of Ice
1 cup of milk (we use rice milk)
2 tablespoons Organic Natural Peanut Butter
1-2 Ripe Bananas (depending on how banana-y you like it)
2 tablespoons Organic Dark Unsweetened Cocoa Powder
Dash of Stevia (optional)

That's it.. pop in a blender and blend until smooth. I came up with this as an alternative to the highly caloric Jamba Juice Chocolate PB Smoothie.

Feelings..

Feelings are lame sometimes. I am such an emotional person, so I feel alot. Every minute of every day, I'm hyper aware of feelings.


Have I hurt someone's feelings?
Have they hurt mine?
How are my kiddos feeling?
I wonder what that sad person on a certain blog was feeling?


Feeling, feeling, feeling.

Why did God make us with such enormous capacity to feel. He doesn't just flippantly create things. There is always a purpose. So, I have been asking myself lately.. what is the purpose of feelings?

I feel overwhelmed, almost unbearably, when I feel deeply the love God has for me.

I feel heart broken to my very core when I hear a story of hurtful words said to one of my children.

I feel angry when I see a human being casually hurt another human being.

I feel desperate when I don't see any progress made in the area of my health.

The truth is.. our lives can be completely over-run by our feelings. Isn't that why the Bible talks about the heart being deceitful? We can't trust it.. it doesn't always tell the Truth. Knowing this.. it can almost drive me mad when I hear people say follow your heart. Really? Because, quite frankly, my heart is really untrustworthy when it comes to making wise decisions, and no.. I would not like to follow my heart. I would like to follow Jesus. And trust... that when my feelings are likely to suffocate me, there is power in leaning on His Truth, His Word. I can claim His Truth in any situation, instead of leaning into my own feelings. Lean into Him.

Oh, there is no doubt that it is hard. Maybe one of the most difficult things this emotional basket case of a woman has overcome. But by God's mighty hand, living in the midst of untruthful feelings is becoming a thing of the past. An old me. God is making a new me, and I could feel more joyful about that. :)

How about you? Thoughts?

Gluten Free 5 minute dinner..

You know those days where you just don't have the stamina to cook dinner?? Which is mostly every day for me... haha. Well, tonight was one of them. My delighful daughter woke up at 1am with a bad headache and decided not to go back to sleep until about 5am.

Guess who woke up with a sleep deprived migraine??

That's right.. ME! :)

I think the weather must have had something to do with both of us getting ill, but all is well now, so I am going to stop complaining about it!!

If you know us, you will know that we have been gluten free for about a year and a half. It has been a challenge to find easy suppers that this tired/migrained/fibro-flared up momma can make. I praise the Good Lord for Trader Joes and that gf living has become quite mainstream. It makes it a bit easier. :)

So, imagine my delight at finding a gluten free, preservative free, nitrate free roast beef hash that isn't too expensive! The current price is $2.49 a package and I love that! I mean, I might have danced in the Trader Joe's aisle a bit over this one. It may even have been to a classic Beach Boys song, but one cannot be certain.

And I may have embarassed my children in the process, but really, isn't that my job as a mom??

So, when the migraine/fibro flare knocks at my door, and my sweet hubby is working (read.. I can't call him to go and get In N Out..) I love having a 5 minute, healthier than fast food meal at the ready.

Honestly, I flash fried the organic eggs, wilted the organic spinach and warmed up the hash, and it was on.

And my sweet son inhaled it and proclaimed me the best cook ever... Poor unaware lovie.. :)

Here's a link to the pic. Happy Eating!!

Shout out to Gluten Free Girl...

Well, I sat down to write a post a few hours ago, and I am just now getting to it.

Forgive me blogspot.. I was enraptured by reading about other people and what they are doing today.

I love this time of year. My business side has usually slowed down considerably from the Christmas madness, and I can breathe, take photos when I want, nap, re-connect with friends, cook, read, just enjoy living. I mean, who wouldn't like this season??

One of the blogs I love to read is GlutenFreeGirl's site. When our family first went gluten free, hers was the first site to pop up in my searches. She is such a phenomenal writer that I spent a week devouring her blog from start to finish. And then, I went out and got her book. I'm not sure I would have made the transition as easily if it weren't for people like her.. willing to share their journeys, the ups and the downs.. so I could learn and grow too. Thanks Shauna!

I wish we still lived in WA, so I could go meet her. Maybe one day.

If you are gluten free, beginning, or seasoned.. take a moment to stop by her site. It is a veritable wealth of gf knowledge freely shared. :)

Mean Girls..

Let me paint you a picture.

7th grade. Chubby girl. First chair flute player. Thick straight frizzy hair with a wall of bangs that I made my mom perm every 6 weeks thankyouverymuch. I had such a poof on the top of my head.. girl, I was a mess. Needless to say, I was a walking target for meanies.

However, I was put into Weight Watchers at age 11, (oh, trust me.. I'm in therapy for that!) grew a few inches and over one summer became the skinny popular 8th grader. My bangs had grown out a bit, and I replaced flute with drama club. I even was class speaker at graduation.

Yep.. I peaked in the 8th grade. True story.

Sad sad sad true story.

High school was even sadder than 7th grade. My weight came back on with a venegance and I returned to the social suicide that was "Organized School Music Programs" only this time it was show choir. I mean, I could not get any hotter my people.

Debbie Downer moment, if I may.. I believe this is one of the moments when I realized that, in this twisted culture of ours, if skinny=good, then chubby=bad. Math was not my forte, but that was one simple equation I could figure out. Oh, how I desperately wish I could go back to that sweet little 15 year old and tell her a few things.

Why the outpouring of emotions tonight on my unsuspecting blog?? Well, for one, I am in the full throes of pms. Yay! TMI?? Secondly, my sweet squishy 8 year old daughter is dealing with a mean girl of her own. And boy, I have never wanted to pick a fight with a mean girl more than I do right now, even if she is only 9.

The short of it.. this little girl has been harassing my little girl for almost 2 years, off and on. We have constantly tried to encourage our bubba to stand up for herself in hopes we can teach her some life lessons about how life is hard, Love is the answer.. blah blah blah.. and up until this point, it was mostly playground hierarchy.

However, when said mean girl gets an entire table of 2nd graders to make fun of my daughter over her lunch contents? And my daughter comes home telling me an entire table accused her of passing gas because she was eating a smelley hard boiled egg?? And she doesn't want to eat eggs ever again?? And mean girl told people at the table to smell my daughter's booty?? Umm.. Mamma Bear (and Papa Bear for that matter) are. on. it. On it!

I hate...HATE...that my lovebug has to suffer this inevitable? girlhood tragedy this young.

I implore you to tell your sweet things they are precious and loved and safe.

And that the God of the universe finds them beautiful and captivating.

And He is simply thrilled over them, and has been since the day He created them.

I am absolutely positive of this fact.. if every girl knew these things without a doubt, our world would change radically. I know my world would have been vastly different had I understood that a little earlier.

Please.. let's do our part to stop the meaness.